Birthday Boy
by ttfan111robstar1
Summary: Jasper is used to Esme's cheerful disposition. He can always count on her to boost his mood. But when she is sad one day he begins to worry about her, and wonders what's going on. It's her son's birthday, and Jasper decides that even though it was usually a day only she celebrated, she wouldn't do it alone this time. Mother-Son bonding and fluff abounds.


For Jasper Hale, there were certain things about his family that could always be counted on.

He could always count on Alice to want to shop, and Emmett to be his wrestling partner. He could always count on Rosalie to be sarcastic to Jacob, and for Bella to always be ready to kiss his brother, and vice versa. He could always count on Carlisle to be a calm, steadying influence in the family, and when he needed an emotional boost, he could always count on Esme.

Today was a day where Jasper felt himself to be bored emotionally. Alice and Rosalie were upstairs doing some shopping, Bella, Edward, and Renesmee were in their Cottage, Emmett was hunting, and Esme and Carlisle were in the kitchen, cooking lunch for their granddaughter. Wanting a bit of an emotional pick-me-up, he decided to make an excuse to help out in the kitchen to get to be around Esme's good emotional climate.

He got to the kitchen, and didn't make it much further than the entryway before he noticed something curious.

Esme's emotions were down, as low as they could go. She didn't look particularly sad- the nuances in her face would always give her away- and yet she radiated depression. He was stumped, because Esme's emotions were always steadily and dependably happy. He almost didn't notice her emotional climate beginning to rise again, and when he did was even more confused.

Still, he volunteered his services to help with lunch, seeing as the wolves tended to stay often and ate a lot. He kept a close watch on Esme's emotional climate, and was surprised to find it soared up when he was near. However, when he went to go take the sandwich to Renesmee, he found it dropping again.

This was something he hadn't experienced before. Rosalie was known to jump from feeling to feeling at the drop of a hat, as was his wife, But Esme's generally cheery disposition was just as dependable as her husband's tranquility. To see her emotions as a volatile roller coaster was a frightening departure from the norm, and he worried about what was going on in her head.

He dropped the sandwich off for Renesmee, and when he came back, found that Carlisle, judging by the trail his scent had left, had headed upstairs to his office. He decided to see if he wanted to go for a walk. He went up the stairs and knocked on the office door.

"Come in." Carlisle's voice sounded as clearly to him through the door as it would have if he were next to him. Jasper opened the door, and Carlisle turned to face him. "Did Nessie like her sandwich?"

Jasper smiled. "Yeah, she did. I was planning to take a walk and wondered if You'd want to join me?"

Carlisle was a very observant man. He knew that Jasper asked to go on walks with those he wanted to talk to about something. He nodded. "Sure, son. Just give me a second to get my shoes on."

Within the second, Carlisle was ready to go, and the two of them headed out the French doors to the forest of the backyard, walking together in silence until they reached the marked tree that signaled they were out of Edward's hearing range.

As soon as they reached that point, Carlisle turned to Jasper. "What's on your mind?"

Jasper paused a second, unsure of how to phrase the question. "Did something bad happen today?"

Carlisle frowned. "Like what?"

"I don't know, somebody broke something, somebody got in a fight, somebody broke our anonymity. Anything like that?"

Carlisle looked completely confused. "No, nothing of the sort. Why do you ask?"

"Esme. Her mood has been going up and down more than a roller coaster, and it's very… concerning."

"Oh. That." Carlisle's voice was a bit somber. "It's nothing any of you kids did. It's just a hard day for her."

"Why?"

"It's her son's birthday."

It took a second for him to process this. "I don't understand. I know that's today, but it's never bothered her to this level before. I mean, she's been a little moody on today before, but never to this level."

"Consider what we have this year that we didn't have last year."

"Nessie?"

Carlisle nodded. "Exactly. She's struggled a few times with the fact that if she wasn't infertile, we could have children. I just think today it's hitting her particularly hard. She sees Nessie and sees the life her son could have had."

The words left a bitter taste in Jasper's mouth. He didn't like to see Esme so upset, and he knew none of the rest of their family did either. Because Alice was perfectly content with just being a sister and an Aunt, he didn't really have any insight as to what Esme might have been feeling. He could have asked Rosalie, certainly, but he didn't want to bring that pain up for her either.

Jasper shifted a bit, uncomfortable. "So what do we do?"

Carlisle raised a brow. "Do you _want _to do something?"

Jasper thought for half a second and nodded. "I don't like when Esme's unhappy. I don't think anybody else is either."

Carlisle smiled a little. "I think you're right about that. If you're asking me for suggestions, I'd say just be with her. She loves any time she gets to spend with you kids. Do something special if you want to. Just let her know that you're there, and that will be enough."

Jasper nodded. "Thanks, Carlisle."

"Anytime, son." Carlisle smiled.

"Hey Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think you could possibly think of a way to get her out of the kitchen for an hour or so? I think I have an idea." He smiled.

"I think that can be arranged." Carlisle grinned.

Jasper grinned at his adoptive father as they began to circle back to the house.

When they arrived back there, Carlisle went to where his wife was in the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing a kiss to her neck. Esme chuckled softly.

"What's this?" She asked, setting the dishes in the sink and turning to him.

"I thought I'd treat my beautiful wife to a little afternoon delight, if she'll have me." He whispered so low that only he could hear her.

Esme smiled. "I think that can be arranged."

Without another word, Carlisle swept his wife off of his feet, and whisked her away to their bedroom.

Jasper smiled once they were gone, and set to work. He scanned the cupboards for the items he needed, and set to work.

As Jasper was busy in the kitchen, Emmett returned from his hunt. He went over to his brother. "Hey Jazz. What are you up to?"

Jasper lowered his voice so only Emmett could hear. "A surprise for Esme."

Emmett looked at the counter. "And you're baking? When she can't eat any of it?"

"She won't be eating it, but she will enjoy it. Trust me."

Emmett smiled. "You know I do, bro. You need any help?"

"Yeah, could you help frost?"

"Sure."

For a few minutes, they frosted together, and when it was done, Jasper pulled a candle out of the cabinet, placing it in one of the baked goods, before cleaning up.

Meanwhile, Esme was descending the stairs after a lovely afternoon with her husband. Though she had thoroughly enjoyed it, she needed a bit of time to herself now, and exited the house through the French doors.

The sun was out today, though slightly blocked by one white cloud. It seemed to be a fitting symbol for the day. The brightest day of her human life was eclipsed by her greatest tragedy. She went through the forest to a place she knew like the beat of her own heart. The makeshift gravestone for her son.

Every place their family traveled, she made sure she had one put in so that she could connect with him and be with him no matter where she went. Occasionally she went to his real grave in Columbus, but it was rare that she was given the chance to do so, and it saddened her more often than not to see all the other graves with flowers on it while her baby's was bereft.

Today was the day every year that she made certain to go and see him. Other holidays could pass by without her batting an eye- and considering the way time passed her by it wasn't difficult to understand why- But this day, the good and bad of it, was permanently imprinted onto her brain.

When she came to the little alcove, decorated with all kinds of flowers where the grave marker was, she knelt down in front of it, and gave it a kiss, silently saying hello to her baby before she began to sing to him.

"It's your birthday my dear

Older by one more year

May you live out your dreams

On midnight moonbeams

Know whatever you do

I will always love you

So happy birthday dear Anthony

Happy birthday to you."

She smiled, a bit sorrowful at the end as she ran her hand over the smooth surface of the gravestone. "Happy Birthday, baby boy." She said softly. "You'd be ninety-four today. Can you believe that? You'd be way older than Mommy was when she had you." She smiled a bit at that. Her expression grew more somber as she spoke again.

"I remember the day you were born." She said quietly. "When I saw your face it was the most beautiful one I'd ever seen. I loved you before I even got to see it, but when I got to see you, I fell even more in love with you. And when I finally got to hold you, it was a dream come true." She smiled. "You were the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me, and because of you I get to be a Mommy to other babies, so I want to thank you for that."

She paused a moment, feeling the sadness creep in. "I still miss you every day, Anthony. You were my first baby, and I'll always love you. I'm so happy you were born, because I wouldn't be who I am without you." She said softly.

She grew quiet, listening to the sounds around her. The endless drone of crickets, the sound a few birds chirping. It was peaceful, quiet. It was, until she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

She turned her head.

Jasper stood there, dressed in a brown jacket, black shirt, blue jeans, and dress shoes, and surprisingly enough holding a cupcake with white frosting and a lit candle atop of it.

"Jasper?" His name contained all the questions she wanted to ask, alongside her confusion.

He stepped toward her, sitting beside her as he set down the cupcake. "We are celebrating a birthday, Esme. It's only appropriate to have cake."

Esme's face crumpled in both joy and pain, but her emotions leapt for joy in a way Jasper hadn't known was possible. He was lucky he set the cupcake down, because with the fierce way she hugged him, he would have dropped it.

He was surprised as he could have been, and a sliver of his consciousness was reminded of all the battles he'd fought as a newborn that had had this form of battle in it, and he had to fight his instincts to stop from throwing her off. But the larger part of him, the part that craved love and affection, savored this moment.

"This is so thoughtful." The words came out as a sob, and if he were unable to feel her joy he would have been afraid that he'd upset her. "Thank you."

It took him a moment to react, but he wrapped her in a hug. "You're welcome, Mom."

Another sob, but escalating joy at that. He was the one of her children who called her that the least, and she was always happy when he did.

They waited for a minute, Her letting go before he asked, "Should we sing?"

Esme nodded, and they both sang "Happy Birthday To You", with Esme blowing out the candle.

She hugged him again afterward, and let go after a full minute, trying to steady her overwhelming emotions, but it was incredibly difficult. This day brought such joy and pain in equal measure for her that finding emotional equilibrium was nearly impossible. She took in a breath, and tried to calm herself.

"This is so thoughtful of you, Jasper. Thank you so much." Her voice was unsteady with the depth of her emotion, a sound most unusual for her.

He nodded, unsure of what to say when the sheer magnitude of his gratitude was overwhelming him. The two of them sat in silence for a moment, each collecting their thoughts, before Jasper spoke. "Do you want to talk about him? I know it helps sometimes to do that."

She nodded. Of all the days she wanted to talk about him, today was the day that was the most important to her to do so. She took a quarter of a second to try and steady herself, to control the shaking of her body from her previous sobs, before she spoke.

"When I was a little girl, I used to write down what I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to be a teacher when I got older, but more than any of that I wanted to be a mother." She began. "Some dreams become your destiny. My mother used to tell me that when I was young. I knew that above all of them, This was the dream that was meant to be my destiny. I craved it more than anything. I used to go to bed at night, thinking of what that moment would feel like when I finally got to hold my baby. I used to babysit all the time when I got older, just to be around kids. There was something so infectious about their joy, and the way they laughed. I needed to be around that. More than that, I think I needed to be needed by someone. I've always been a caregiver at heart, and not having somebody who needed me around was a difficult Idea to deal with.

When my friends began to marry, my parents wanted the same for me, and I did too. But when Carlisle treated my broken leg when I was sixteen after falling from climbing a tree, he became the man that I measured every other one too, and nobody measured up to him. But even then, I was worried about time passing me by and not being able to achieve that dream of being a mother. So when my friends and my parents asked me to marry Charles, I did."

She shivered, and Jasper knew it wasn't because of the cold. He put a hand on her shoulder, trying to give her emotional support, because he could feel her disgust. "He was so terrifying when he wanted to be. He was the best manipulator I have ever met. He could go from angry to happy in the blink of an eye, and used to make me think everything was my fault. I begged my parents to help me, but they told me to "be a good wife" instead. When he went away to serve in World War I, I was so relieved. I can remember that feeling as clear as day. That feeling of absolute freedom. I was so happy during the time he was away. And then, he came back, and the nightmare began again." She sighed. "Even through all that I still hadn't given up my dream of motherhood, but I was afraid to get it then, because I didn't want my innocent baby to be born into that. But when I started getting sick, I knew it wasn't the flu. I knew I was pregnant."

She paused a moment. "That dream had always been inside of me, and had set roots deep inside my heart, and it gave me the courage I didn't know I had. I packed a bag and headed for my cousin's in Milwaukee. I looked over my shoulder the entire way there. I didn't relax until I reached her door. But he found me again, and I had to flee again. I went to Ashland, and I posed as a widow and became a teacher. I don't think I felt safe again until I got there. Pretending to be a widow was the lie that freed me. Suddenly I wasn't Charles' wife anymore. I was a woman preparing to have a baby and I think I needed to realize that I could do it on my own so that I didn't go back. I needed to know that I had what it took to raise my child by myself so that I had that confidence, and I got it."

She smiled a little. "I had so much fun making his nursery. I used to love being by the sea when I was a little girl because it was so different from the farm I grew up on, so I painted little sailboats on his crib so he'd float off to sleep and have sweet dreams. Every night I would sit in the rocker I put there, and I'd rub my stomach and tell him stories and sing to him. He used to kick me like crazy when I sang to him." Her hand rested on her stomach at the memory. However murky the image may have been, her body remembered. "I remember thinking that this would be the place that he'd grow up and play. I remember going to sleep while I was pregnant and dreaming of nursing him, watching him crawl, walk, and run around the house. It was such a precious time." She said softly.

"Then, my labor finally came. It was the most painful experience I have ever had, including my transformation. I was in labor for ten hours, and I screamed for nearly the entirety of it. They didn't have the medical technology they had today. They still had epidurals back then, but I was too afraid of how it might affect the baby to try that, so I did it completely drug-free. It was the longest and most painful ten hours of my life, but everything was worth it when I finally got to hold him."

A dreamy look crossed her features as she reflected on the memory that was like a dark chocolate with a creamy center- bittersweet. "He was just perfect. In my dreams of holding my baby, I'd never given much consideration to physical features. I'd put all the focus on what I had felt at that time. But he was the most beautiful little boy. He had a button nose, and the most perfect little lips, and his fist was the size of a grape. Even though he was full term, he was so _tiny_. I remember thinking that I couldn't believe he was mine. My little Anthony." She smiled. "And he wrapped his little hand around my finger, and it felt like everything I had been through in my life had happened to get me to this moment. That was as close to heaven as I could ever imagine, and getting to hold him was the most incredible feeling in the world. All those years of dreaming had finally meant something. I had found the purpose in my life, and even though it was a hard road to get there, I didn't regret any of it, because I had him. If I had him, I had everything."

Her smile dimmed a bit. "He was such a smart baby. He responded so well to my voice whenever I talked to him, and he knew his name too, it seemed. I wanted so much to hold him forever, but the nurses took him from me at the sign of the first cough. After I slept for a while, I got out of bed and went to the NICU, looking for him through that little window. I used to press my face up against that glass to try and get a good look at him, but every time there was a nurse blocking my view. But I saw his little bed, even when I couldn't see him. He'd cough so hard the bed would shake, and it terrified me. A doctor saw me once and gave me the news that he had Lung Fever." She sighed. "And just like that, my dream fell apart."

Jasper rubbed her shoulder in what he thought to be cold comfort, but didn't interrupt her. He knew she needed to get this off of her chest.

"Dreams never come true in the way you expect. My mother used to tell me that as well when I was young. And she was right. I spent every spare second I had pressing my face against that glass and begging, pleading, bargaining with God to spare my baby. But he didn't."

She paused. "It rained the day he died. I could see the clouds from the window of my hospital room when the nurse brought him to me for the last time. He was still coughing. I held him in my arms with his head against my chest to give him the skin-to-skin contact that we didn't get to have in those first moments together. I sang to him, and even though he was coughing, those little feet were kicking underneath that blanket, and I felt my heart being squeezed in my chest because I realized then that I wasn't going to get to see those feet walk across the floor or kick in the crib I'd painted him.

I looked at him, and I told him to hold on for me. I couldn't see life without him. I begged him to "Stay with Mommy". He did for a little while. But when I looked into his little face I saw how much he was hurting. The sound of his cough alone was enough to make me wonder if I was doing the right thing in asking him to hold on. I remember thinking about the promise I'd made to myself the day I'd found out I was pregnant. I looked in the mirror in my room in that house, and swore that I would do whatever it took to keep my baby safe and happy. And looking at him right then, I knew he wasn't happy. He was in pain and suffering, and it was my job as a mother to make sure he wasn't feeling either. I was being so selfish by asking him to hold on. So I begged God one last time, and asked him to take care of my little boy when he got to heaven, before I told Anthony that he could let go. I heard thunder rolling outside of my window, and heard rain pattering on the roof. He took one last breath, and then that was it. He was gone."

She exhaled a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "I still have moments when it rains of thinking that I can smell his scent. Even if it was a human memory, it's one that will live with me for as long as I'm alive. Sometimes I'll stand out on the back porch and close my eyes when it rains, and for just a second, I can pretend I smell him again. But after he died, even when I got to hold him for a long time after, I couldn't pretend anymore. In the two days since he'd been born I had lied to myself and said that everything was going to be okay, and his death shattered that delusion. I couldn't handle that reality, so I decided the only way out was to end it. My parents had abandoned me, my husband was abusive, and my son had passed away, and I didn't feel as though there was any reason to keep going on. So I jumped off of the cliff."

A small smile crossed her face then, and she almost laughed. "Dreams never come true in the way you expect them to. My mother really was right about that. When I saw Carlisle again after jumping off of that cliff I was so certain I was dreaming. But thankfully that time, I wasn't. I got to marry the man of my dreams, and even more than that, I got to adopt Edward and have a son again. And then Rosalie came along and I got a daughter too, and I didn't think it could get any better- until she brought Emmett home. And then you and Alice came along," She smiled at him, and he smiled back. "And I had five beautiful children. And when Bella joined the family and had Renesmee, I gained a daughter-in-law, and the granddaughter I didn't even know I could have had. None of it would have happened if it weren't for my son. So every year on his birthday, I come here to thank him for giving me this life, and to grieve him at the same time. I got my dream, but my dream won't ever be complete without him in it."

Silence descended upon them, quiet and contemplative. Jasper felt himself reeling from the emotional highs and lows the story brought Both Esme and himself. It took him a bit to regain his bearings, but when he did, he looked up at her.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, honey."

"Does it ever bother you that we don't always call you Mom? I've wondered about that a few times, but I haven't felt there was a good time to ask."

Esme contemplated that a moment. "I think if you kids were younger it would bother me a lot more. Sometimes it does, especially on days like this, but all of you are grown, married, and have your own lives. And since I'm not your biological mother, I can understand why you wouldn't. It makes every time you do call me that more special, though."

Jasper turned to look at her, face very serious. "Biology has nothing to do with it. You may not have given birth to us, but you're the only mother any of us have ever known in this lifetime. You were there to help most of us from the time we were newborn vampires, and as far as I'm concerned, I think that counts for a lot. You weren't our Mom biologically, but you raised us, and I think that means more than any DNA test ever will."

Esme gave him the brightest smile. "You really think so?"

He nodded. "I know so, Mom."

She pulled him into another hug, and he felt much more prepared for it this time. When they separated that time, she looked at him. "Do you remember your mother at all?"

Jasper paused, trying to dredge up whatever memories he might have had of her. "Bits and pieces, I think. I know that my father passed away when I was two. I did a DNA test a few months ago. His name was George. He married my mother, Mary, about three years before I was born. I don't remember him at all, but I can remember that my Mother's voice was always much quieter when she talked about him. My mom was an incredibly strict woman, that much I can remember. She was very set in her ways, and if I disobeyed a rule, I was in for it. I know she was a big believer in cleanliness. I remember that if my bed wasn't made to her standards, she'd make me do it again. I don't know why that memory stuck with me after all this time, but it did. She was the reason I did so well in the army. She taught me the value of discipline, and it went a long way with me."

"Do you miss her?" It was an honest question, and one that he had a hard time answering.

"I'm not sure. It's hard to miss somebody you can barely remember. I must have loved her, I'm sure, but I…" He paused a second. "I don't think I wanted her to love me and show love in the ways she did. I wanted her to love me more in a way like you did. I didn't want her affection to be something that I had to earn, and even now, looking back on it, I don't think I really believe that she loved me unconditionally."

Esme put her hand lightly atop his own. "Jasper, listen to me. Your mother loved you unconditionally. When you become a mother it's the only way you know how to love. She might not have showed it in a way that made you feel like it, but all mothers love their babies unconditionally. It's what we do. I love all of you unconditionally, after all." She smiled.

Had he been human, he might have blushed. "So, you think of us as your babies? When did that happen?"

"The first days I met you kids." She smiled. "It didn't matter how old you were biologically or how long you'd been alive. In the seconds after I met each of you, you became my babies. Mine to protect, mine to avenge, and most importantly mine to love. All of you are grown and have spouses now, but a mother knows when her babies need her. I may not have visions to tell me like Alice does when something is wrong, but the maternal instinct is as close as I'll ever get and just as good."

He smiled. "Did I ever thank you?"

"For what?"

"You never gave up on me. With everything that I'd done and all the mistakes I'd made in the past, there were so many times before when I was sure that you and Carlisle were going to ask me to leave. But you never did. You just loved me anyways. It was the first time I'd ever felt that kind of love from any family, and it changed me. Before I came here, I didn't know what it meant to have a family. But because of you and Carlisle, and everyone else, I do. So thank you for not giving up on me."

Esme grinned brightly at that. "You're welcome, Jasper."

The two of them were quiet a moment, letting their emotions settle. Jasper was pleased to find that Esme's emotions were now much closer to their usual state. That made him smile. They listened to the sounds of the forest for a little while, before Jasper spoke up again.

"Mom?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you ever wish any of us were younger, if we were allowed to be, I mean?"

Esme thought on that for a moment. "I haven't really thought about it, I don't think. It would be fun to be able to chase you kids around or hold you for a long time, but I still wouldn't trade what we all share for anything."

"Is that what you miss the most about your son? Holding him, I mean."

"There are so many things I miss about him that I couldn't begin to name them all, but that certainly is a big one, yes. I always felt like my arms were just made to hold him. You know, after I became a newborn, even when I was dealing with the thirst, my arms used to hurt all the time. Even though I wasn't sore at all. They call it "aching arms". Mothers who have lost their babies get it because their arms are missing the weight of their children." She said.

"I never knew that." He said quietly.

Esme nodded. "I used to hurt all of the time because of that. I couldn't figure out why my arms felt that way at first until I brought it up to Carlisle. He explained it to me, and it made a lot of sense. He told me it would get easier with time, but I'm not so sure. Sometimes my arms still hurt for him. It's been a little easier since Renesmee came along, because I could hold her but it isn't the same, you know?"

Jasper nodded. "That part, at least, I can imagine. Does it ever help when you hug us?"

Esme smiled at that. "That does help quite a bit, actually. Some of my favorite moments are just getting to hug you kids. Sometimes when I'm having a difficult day, that makes everything feel so much better. It makes me so happy if I can make you kids feel better about something, whether it's by talking or giving hugs. I said before that I'm the kind of person who needs to be needed, and being needed for something- anything- by you kids helps me more than you know."

Jasper smiled at that. "I'm glad that we help you so much."

"You do, every day. I don't think you realize just how much you help me most days. But I know that you do understand how much you helped me today, because you can feel the difference from earlier. That's what brought this on, isn't it?"

Had he been able, he might have blushed at being found out. As it was, he shifted slightly in his seat, a bit embarrassed. "And they think Edward is the mind reader in this family. Nope. It's you."

Esme laughed at that, and he hadn't realized how much he'd missed that sound. He smiled at the sound, but a new thought dimmed his smile.

Esme was not unaware of this. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's nothing." He said, shaking his head.

"Jasper."

The way she spoke his name let him know that she didn't believe that for a second. Jasper sighed.

"I was just thinking." He said.

"About?"

"Just… Life, I guess."

"Well that's specific." She joked, and he laughed a little at that.

"I just mean I never would have pictured my life this way, you know? I have an actual family. I have a beautiful wife, two wonderful sisters, two insane brothers, a miracle of a niece, a great Dad, and the most amazing Mom. I never dreamed when I woke up to the start of this new life that I could have all this, and even before I was turned, I don't think I could have imagined something like this."

She smiled. "Sounds like a dream you didn't even know you had came true."

"Yeah, it did." He said, smiling.

"But?" She asked, sensing the impending qualification.

"But even though I have all of this, I still don't like myself very much."

"Oh Jasper…" Esme put a hand on his shoulder.

"I know I've gotten so much better than I used to be, but I just can't leave the past behind me. Every time I go out I'm still so aware of what I could do, and it frightens me. I don't want to be that anymore, but I still think I am somewhere inside."

His voice was so small toward the end, that Esme was overwhelmed by how much he sounded like a small child. She didn't even take the time to think about what she did, instead just acting on instinct. She pulled Jasper into her lap so that his head lay against her chest, and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

"Listen to me, sweetheart." Her voice was so gentle and soft he couldn't stop himself from melting into the unexpected embrace. "You aren't the same person you were when you were first turned. You're so different now. Maria let you believe that it didn't matter who you killed so long as you fed, but you knew better. And now you would never do that on purpose. You're always thinking of the feelings of others and always trying to help every argument end peacefully. You aren't that person anymore, honey."

"I don't want to be a monster." The sentence was a whimpered confession of the depth of his self loathing.

"Jasper Hale, you are no monster. Listen to me, baby. You're not a monster. Everybody has a past or a piece of one that they aren't proud of. But your past doesn't define who you are now. You're so much more than you give yourself credit for. You're a good husband, a fun uncle, a great brother, and a loving son. All of those things don't stop being true just because of who you were before. _That_ Jasper wouldn't recognize this one, so why do you keep acting as though he's your reflection in the mirror? You aren't him anymore."

"Mama…" The word was so quiet, even for a vampire, that she almost didn't catch it. Thankfully, she did. She pressed a kiss to the crown of his head and rubbed his back.

"Mama's here, sweetheart. And I'm not going anywhere. There is nothing that you can do that would ever make me love you less. You are forgiven for your past mistakes, honey. We have all forgiven any mistakes you feel you might have made a long time ago. But now it's your turn to forgive yourself. That's something only you can do. But you are forgiven, and you are always loved. You might not always have made the best choices, but you are always a good boy." She reassured him.

The words seemed to remove a weight from his shoulders, and he relaxed further into her. The words were the absolution he'd needed to hear for so many decades. His fingers entwined themselves in Esme's shirt, clinging to her for dear life as though he thought if she left then her forgiveness would go along with her. Esme, in turn, held him closer, reveling in the moment. It was so rare that she got a chance to hold one of her children, and it was the first time any of them had let her hold them this way. The fact that it was Jasper- the one who had the most difficulty expressing affection- made it all the more special.

"I just want to be good, Mama." The words came out softly, and Esme kissed his head.

"I know, sweetie. But you are good, and you always have been. I would trust you with my life, Jasper. Do you trust me enough to believe I'm telling you the truth?"

Jasper hesitated for the briefest of seconds, before he nodded. She rewarded him with another kiss and gave him a squeeze. "Good boy." She praised.

He wrapped his arms around her neck as she held him close to her as she curled her body around his protectively. They stayed interlocked that way for a long time, seeming to block out the world around them. It was the most connected the two of them had ever felt to one another. Esme wasn't entirely sure if the peace she felt internally was of her own making or if it was from Jasper, but it was the most content she had felt in a long time. She could have lived in that moment forever.

Since time didn't mean anything to either of them, with the exception of the rising and setting of the sun, neither of them were aware of how much time had passed. When they did bother to let reality return to them, the sun was getting ready to dip below the horizon.

"We should probably get back to the house." Esme said. Her voice was gentle, but there was no mistaking the sadness that tainted the words.

Jasper let out a groan. "I guess so." He said, finally looking up at the sky and noting the late hour. "Thank you for this, by the way. What you did… It helped a lot."

Esme smiled. "I should be the one thanking you, honey. You truly made today one to remember for all the right reasons." She said and kissed his head one last time. She was very pleased that he didn't fight the affection.

"Maybe we could take walks around here together more often? I like spending time with you."

She smiled. "I like spending time with you too, Jasper. And I'd love to take walks with you. We can do it whenever you like. All you have to do is ask."

He beamed at that, before getting up and dusting himself off. "I wonder if Nessie ate the rest of those cupcakes yet."

Esme laughed at the thought as she got up, brushing the dirt from herself. "I don't know, but if she did, Edward and Bella are in for one long night.

The both of them laughed at that, before walking together back toward the house.

"Hey Mom?"

"Yes, honey?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Esme smiled.

Soon enough they approached the house. Esme looked to Jasper. "You go on inside. I'll just be a minute, okay?"

He nodded, and stepped in through the doors.

As the moon took it's place in the sky, beginning to fill it with stars, Esme looked up at the round orb. She could feel the presence of her baby there as if he were in her arms at that very moment. She smiled, feeling as though he was watching over her still, even after ninety four years being away from her. Somehow, he'd known exactly what she'd needed and sent her a little gift in the form of time with one of her sons. She couldn't have imagined anything so wonderful.

She looked up at the moon, speaking to him. "I love you, Anthony. Thank you for today. Happy Birthday, sweetheart."

With that, she went inside to her family, her emotions finally at peace.


End file.
